So last time (and yes, I know that was ages ago - sorry) was all about pleasure … and this time I’m kicking off with pain and suffering. What’s happened?!
Well maybe less what’s happened, and more what is about to happen.
I have somewhat rashly signed up to run 10k to raise money for the fantastic Love Tank at this year’s Red Run which is *gulp* tomorrow. And the forecast ….. isn’t great.
In fact Storm Bert is barrelling in so we’re expecting gusts of over 40 mph, which I guess will be ok when they are at my back, but not much when running into it.
So if you fancy sponsoring me to make it all worthwhile, and more importantly to help The Love Tank do what it does best which is provide health and wellbeing services to some of our most marginalised communities, then please sponsor me using this link!
https://www.justgiving.com/page/mark-walton-1728034083522
And more generally the murakami quote is both fundamentally Buddhist and at the heart of any journey of recovery. Pain is inevitable for all of us, but whether we choose to hold onto it and be defined by it, or whether we recognise that, like joy or pleasure, it is temporary and will pass, is a choice we make. And that’s not intended to be glib or dismissive of the real suffering of long term pain and trauma, but it is true for most of us, for most of the things that cause us discomfort and pain, for most of the time.
As I’ve said here before, I have my struggles with anxiety and this week has seen it in unusually spiky form. Both a low background fizzing and the occasional spikes of full-on nauseous fight or flight. Somewhere, just out of sight of my consciousness, a bear is lurking.
My challenge for the week has been to sit with those feelings, acknowledge them, and to try to understand what they are trying to tell me, rather than to distract myself or numb myself out from them. And, fittingly, I also know that one of the best things I can do to manage them is to RUN. Running closes the stress cycle, settles my system, and tricks the misfiring bits of me into thinking that I’ve outrun the bear and found safety.
So, assuming I don’t get totally mauled by Bert, hopefully tomorrow will not only be good for my body and raise money for a GREAT organisation, but will also banish this bout of anxiety … at least until the next one!
In the meantime, thanks if you are able to donate, and may all your pains be fleeting.
Who I’ve seen
I’ve been blessed with visitors recently so here are some social selfies!
What I’ve seen
What I’m listening to
Basically I kept the Glastonbury momentum going and have seen some great live acts over the past few months: Waxahatchee brought the Mom jeans, The The brought the middle aged white men, Caroline Rose brought a goddamn orchestra, Bernard Butler brought the virtuosity (and the Dad jokes), Nick Cave brought EVERYTHING, and Liz Lawrence of course brought the chainmail coif.
And some of the other stuff I’ve been listening to is here …
What I’m reading
I’ve been gifted lots of books over the summer so on top of my own my own purchases the unread pile by the bed is starting to teeter …
David Bowie, Enid Blyton and the Sun Machine was a present from my brother and is a quite bonkers attempt to draw parallels between Bowie, Blyton and the idea of works of art as sun machines. In the author’s defence he was clearly in lockdown delirium at the time. Mad but lots of fun.
The Golden Road was a gift from my friend Alok based on our shared love of William Dalrymple, and tells the forgotten history of ancient India’s influence from the Red Sea to the Pacific, including the spread of Buddhism.
The Draw of the Sea was a gift from my friend Elaine and is a series of beautiful meditations on the different relationships we have with the sea, especially the sea around Cornwall and the Isle of Scilly.
Where I am
Since the summer I’ve been up the Lea and into the countryside at the top of the River Stort to Bishop’s Stortford, and am now back at the very bottom of the Lea on the Limehouse Cut.
💚💚💚Pic of you and L and R is LIFE! Down to the Patti Smith hoodie! TY for all the pics! Never seen one of your sister! Hope the run goes well. I believe in you! Wait, so are you finally listening to Empire? Can I have next on The Golden Road??? Love you. Miss you. 🫶🏼